Happy Hearts

Saturday I was out to dinner with a couple friends at one of my favorite spots, Cafe Figaro (click the title to go to their website) and, as a surprise, my friend Simon gave Sunnie and I a pair of magical glasses to wear. They were pink and looked just like 3D glasses. How magical could they really be? Simon said to put them on and look at lights. Oh the wonderful world these magical glasses created! Everywhere I looked, I saw hearts! Small hearts, big hearts, dancing hearts, connected hearts. Hearts everywhere! The glow from the candles produced two hearts dancing together. Everywhere I looked, I saw love and joy. These illusions of hearts... what if every moment were viewed through these magical glasses? This is what I desire, to see the beauty in every part of our world and to see the love that can envelop even the darkest areas. I am hoping these magical glasses can transform my eyes to see in such a way without them. I need that right now, especially after last week.

Last week already seems so long ago. So much happened that I am still trying to process it all. In some ways it was a real test in what to say to your close friend when you know everything is not alright and may not be for some time. How do you offer comfort alongside reality? So I did what I do best... I made calls, made a plan and connected with every person I knew who could possibly help. The worst part is over, but now the long journey of appointments, questions and changes have begun. One reality has ended and a new one has begun. A new reality over night. Oh... wow... Love, compassion, joy... I want the glasses back.

My Future

The last couple of weeks I have been researching, contacting and contemplating various journalism schools around the country. I feel a settled excitement when I consider the field of journalism. The most common question I'm asked by the various university officials is "what type of journalism are you interested in?". The answer, to me, used to seem so simple. I'm interested in honest, well-thought-out and nuanced journalism that brings awareness, connection, and even some action to the topic discussed. But I'm finding, once again, this pie-in-the-sky answer is fine in theoretical world, but does little in guiding me toward a more concrete answer. Do I want to focus on print journalism? But what about multi-media? Broadcast? Scratch that, no broadcast. But who knows?!

Last week while talking with Lissa Petersen, a writing professor at Pitzer College, she suggested I read a recent article regading the future of journalism published in The Atlantic. Later in the week, my close friend suggested the same article to read. Below is an excerpt from the article "How to Save Journalism" and James Fallows' much more articulate vision of what type of journalism I desire to practice.

"This is essential if the “crowd sourcing” and citizen journalism that have already transformed news coverage—for instance, the videos from inside the Iranian protests last summer—are not to be the world’s only source of information. Accounts like those are certainly valuable, but they will be all the more significant if they are buttressed by reports from people who are paid to keep track of government agencies, go into danger zones, investigate and analyze public and private abuse, and generally serve as systematic rather than ad hoc observers. (I am talking about what journalism should do, not what it often does.)" Click the title of this post to be taken to the full article.

Perhaps my first thought is more concrete than I realized. Journalism, whether in print, on television or in a documentary, all should be rooted in the deeper pursuit of the truthiness of the situation being covered. I will continue to research, connect and contemplate the many possible roads ahead with settled excitement.

Remember that girl in class who knew everything? The one who would shoot her hand up in the air, waving it like she didn't care, begging the teacher to call on her? Remember the teacher trying to look anywhere else in the room to find someone, anyone other than this girl to give the answer?

Well, I've finally decided to call on that annoying girl, and you know what, she had the answer all along. Damn her! See, I've been searching for my "calling" in life. Asking close friends what I'm uniquely good at, sifting through ye olde memory banks to remember where I was happiest and most challenged. Everything kept coming back to the type of friend I am. AUGH! I can see the resume now:

Amanda Nicole Yost. 30 years old. Loyal, passionate and empathetic friend. Please hire me!

Pretty pathetic, eh? That's what I've thought for so long, until recently. Instead of having one annoying hand-waving answer machine in my line of sight, I've had multitudes over the years. When people have described me, they never express what I consider to be a bankable skill. I'd listen politely (sometimes) and always respond with, "great, but how can i get PAID for this?".

What I love most with my friends is hearing their stories. Whether it be the day-to-day stories of what happened at work, or the memories of childhood, or perhaps the more philosophical questions of life, I love it all! I also love being a voice for others when they either don't know how to share their story or are in a place where they simply can't. If you know me, you know I'm your biggest cheerleader. Time to start cheering for those who currently are sidelined with no cheering section to keep them going.

Those multitudes of hands shooting up in the air, begging to be called on, have finally been put to rest. I get it friends. At least I get it for the moment. I want to hear people's stories from around the world and, when possible, share them with whoever will listen. I really have no clue how to do this yet. None. Zippo. But I'll learn and I'll grow. I'm ready to take the leap out of the nest. Let's hope these wildly flapping wings will catch a gust of wind!

Uniquely Good?

"Finding your element is essential to personal fulfillment. If you don’t find the things which you are uniquely good at, there’s a sense that you don’t really know who you are."
Sir Ken Robinson

What am I uniquely good at? Perhaps this is why I still wander, wondering who I am.

Ideal Teacher in Amanda-World

The ideal classroom experience would be an exciting journey through complex worlds of literature, art, history, science and math. Every school would be outfitted with the crème-de-la-crème teachers; the ones who have shown an aptitude for opening new worlds of thought and for fostering an overall desire to learn.

The ideal teacher has an obvious interest and passion in the subject. She takes a long school day and makes it feel like a passing moment. She manipulates complex theories by breaking them down to elemental basics and then builds upon them like a master storyteller. Ideally, she is aware of and sensitive to classroom dynamics. Throughout the lesson, she studies the faces and responses of her students and redirects the teaching accordingly. She is aware when her light-hearted story turns into a mindless tangent, and hops back on track. She understands it is not her job to make students learn, but to create a scholarly environment for those who have the desire.

Ideally, the teacher will transform a basic curriculum into an intricate story of war, alliance, betrayal, greed, and triumph. Ideally, the professor would cause her students to become enraptured in multifaceted debates, all the while instilling how to vigorously disagree with respect. Ideally, she patiently listens to questions and heated statements and responds in such a way to cause students to question the very foundation of their own thought-process.

The ideal teacher offers more than information; she provides opportunities for students to realize the bounds of their currently operating paradigm and nudges them toward a more nuanced way of approaching the world.

Perhaps there is no clear right or wrong when it comes to “good” teaching, but there are some ideals that, at the very least, can become the base standard for reality.

Expectations of perfection are not realistic. Every teacher has an “off” day, sometimes an “off” semester. But it is the skilled and effective teacher who can realign themselves to become the ideal instructor.

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather?

Would you rather live a tortured life of passion or a boring life of neutrality?

Today, I feel trapped by the very existence of American life. I wake-up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Perhaps I'll see a friend after work or take a walk around town, but more often than not, it's the same ol'... work, home, work, home. This is NOT the life I had envisioned.

Where's the spark, the passion, the thrill of adventure and discovery? Where's "me"?

"Me" is still back in South Africa trying to figure out how I went from the girl who wanted to spend the rest of her life passionately fighting injustice in Africa to the woman sitting at a desk, answering phones. "Me" is back in Santa Barbara, wondering how two people so crazy in love and passionate about one another could end up apart and not even speaking. "Me" is researching the illegal activities of an employer and then spending the next two years fighting for the monetary rights of over 50 employees. "Me" is also tired, beat-up, and just hoping for some normalcy.

Well, normalcy is here and let me tell you, it sucks!

For some, having the security of a job, place to live and friends is enough. They feel content, happy.

But what about LIFE? What about adventure? What about feeling just a bit scared of what's around the corner but turning that corner anyway? I want "me" back and am ready and wanting the ups and downs that come with it.

I was recently talking about this with a friend in regards to relationships, and she asked, "You would rather have constant ups and downs than steady security?"

I feel like Tita from the book Like Water for Chocolate. At a young age she fell in love with Pedro, but was forbidden to love because tradition dictated she was not to marry until her mother died. Instead, she spent years watching her sister have the honor of being with the one man she loved. For so long she was tortured with her passion for Pedro. Years later, a good, honest, steady man asked to be with her. She loved this new man, but not with an ounce of passion that she had for Pedro. She had a choice: go with the kind man who would love her and be good to her, or wait for her true love and continue to let that passion burn.

I would rather have exhilarating highs and painful lows over steady dullness. I would rather have tortured passion!

I recognize that life doesn't have to be so extreme. I understand that balance and security don't take away from a life of passion. Each person has their own destiny, their own idea of what living a passionate life looks like. I know it comes with pain, heartache and frustration, but it also comes with deep joy, excitement and laughter.

Jail Bird

Last Wednesday I attended a lecture with a friend entitled "The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness" at the Hammer museum in Los Angeles. Michelle Alexander, author of "The New Jim Crow..." book, spent just under an hour opening my eyes to a whole new section of society, that quite honestly, I hadn't given much thought to before; convicted felons. Because this issue is so new to me, I was not able to fully capture the depth of relevance as much as I think I should have. With every statistic she presented, multiple questions swirled around my head. Some she instinctively knew others were considering and so addressed them while the others have continued to bounce around my brain.

Did you know that in CA a convicted felon cannot vote until he or she has completed their time in prison AND all of their parole time. In some states, a felony conviction equals the removal of the right to vote for life.

Did you know a convicted felon cannot apply for food stamps EVER in his or her life? This was enacted under the Clinton presidency.

Did you know a convicted felon, once released, cannot apply for public housing for at least 5 years (time varies per state)?

Did you know "prosecutors also tend to reduce the charges against whites convicted of felonies more often than against blacks convicted of felonies. A comprehensive examination of 700,000 criminal cases by the San Jose Mercury News, Mauer noted, included that of 71,000 adults with no prior records. In this group, one-third of whites had their felony charges reduced to misdemeanors 'while only one quarter of blacks and Hispanics received this disposition.'" ("African-Americans Have Seven Times Greater Chance of Imprisonment", Sherwood Ross, March 3, 2010)

Did you know an employer and landlord can use a felony conviction as a legal form of discrimination?

Did you know a convicted felon, in many states, can never run for public office or hold any government position?

If you already knew any of the above facts, then you are light years ahead of me. There are so many more statistics and opinions around this issue, especially since African Americans make up the majority of the prison population and a majority of those convicted of a felony.

Perhaps the above stats don't mean much to you as you think "of course they shouldn't have rights, they are CRIMINALS", but should their punishment extend beyond their time in state or federal prison?

I have no answers, just more questions. Even last night as I lay in bed, I considered the lack of well-funded education in inner-city communities, lack of access to healthy and affordable foods, lack of green space for parks and rec, lack of affordable and livable housing, lack of reliable information in the case of a criminal act, lack of affordable health care; just a lack! Some say this is blatant racism, but I'm wondering if it's more just blatant classism that, unfortunately, has a direct effect on African American and Latino communities. Regardless, why is such an "ism" allowed to flourish today?

I have no answers...