Would You Rather?

Would You Rather?

Would you rather live a tortured life of passion or a boring life of neutrality?

Today, I feel trapped by the very existence of American life. I wake-up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Perhaps I'll see a friend after work or take a walk around town, but more often than not, it's the same ol'... work, home, work, home. This is NOT the life I had envisioned.

Where's the spark, the passion, the thrill of adventure and discovery? Where's "me"?

"Me" is still back in South Africa trying to figure out how I went from the girl who wanted to spend the rest of her life passionately fighting injustice in Africa to the woman sitting at a desk, answering phones. "Me" is back in Santa Barbara, wondering how two people so crazy in love and passionate about one another could end up apart and not even speaking. "Me" is researching the illegal activities of an employer and then spending the next two years fighting for the monetary rights of over 50 employees. "Me" is also tired, beat-up, and just hoping for some normalcy.

Well, normalcy is here and let me tell you, it sucks!

For some, having the security of a job, place to live and friends is enough. They feel content, happy.

But what about LIFE? What about adventure? What about feeling just a bit scared of what's around the corner but turning that corner anyway? I want "me" back and am ready and wanting the ups and downs that come with it.

I was recently talking about this with a friend in regards to relationships, and she asked, "You would rather have constant ups and downs than steady security?"

I feel like Tita from the book Like Water for Chocolate. At a young age she fell in love with Pedro, but was forbidden to love because tradition dictated she was not to marry until her mother died. Instead, she spent years watching her sister have the honor of being with the one man she loved. For so long she was tortured with her passion for Pedro. Years later, a good, honest, steady man asked to be with her. She loved this new man, but not with an ounce of passion that she had for Pedro. She had a choice: go with the kind man who would love her and be good to her, or wait for her true love and continue to let that passion burn.

I would rather have exhilarating highs and painful lows over steady dullness. I would rather have tortured passion!

I recognize that life doesn't have to be so extreme. I understand that balance and security don't take away from a life of passion. Each person has their own destiny, their own idea of what living a passionate life looks like. I know it comes with pain, heartache and frustration, but it also comes with deep joy, excitement and laughter.